Our DD has always been an outsider in her peer group. While there were some girls who included her periodically, it was more of a mercy thing, and she was never really part of the group. You know how each of us had "that kid" in our class growing up? The one who was a bit odd, and nobody wanted to play with them? DD has been "that kid." Fortunately, she has been 90% oblivious, but the periodic taunts of "loser" from other children hurt her terribly. I don't blame her. It angered me when she would approach an acquaintance with pleasure and openness, and I would watch the other girls give each other "that look" as they giggled and turned away. A few years ago, DD mentioned to several girls that she was going to invite them to her birthday party, and they said they were busy that day.... and we hadn't even set a date yet!
So now that she has settled into her new school, something has changed. For the first time, a friend called just to chat on the phone, two days in a row. Another conspired with her wanting to set up a play date, which we held this afternoon. It worked out well, because DS gets along well with her younger brother, and we basically did a kid-swap. The girls had a great time, playing in DD's room, doing some embroidery, and playing Webkinz. Her friend even wanted to stay a bit longer. It made my heart so glad to see that! DD told me she described her brain damage to her friends, and they have been helping her make better choices. They apparently told her that her disability didn't matter, it was how God had made her, and what was inside was what counted.
I don't expect my daughter to be Miss Popularity (goodness knows, I wasn't!), but I want her to have the joy of good friendships. I think it's important for her to have supportive, positive friendships, particularly heading into these tough early teen years. Most of all, I don't want her to feel like nobody likes her, and to be the outcast. It's painful, and it can lead in some terrible directions.
So today, I am enjoying a little bit of what normal might feel like. ;-)
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5 comments:
Enjoy the moment!
I hope it is the first of much "normal"!
I love "normal" days! I live for "normal" days! I want more "normal" days! :) I'm celebrating for you, because I know what a sense of relief and calm a day like that provides.
If you ever want into my blog, please email me at the email address on my profile. You don't have an email address listed on your page or I'd invite you - I love your blog.
I'm happy for DD's success with a friend - it is so important for a child to be accepted by at least some peers, to feel a bit normal. My 12yo with fasd has a fortunate ability to make friends quite easily, but his older sister, whose problems relate more to attachment, had many years where her friends were few, and mostly sports related. At 14 she now seems to belong to a little group of nice kids, boys and girls, mostly involved in sport, and it's just great for her.
Thanks for the smile, Heather. I hope Anna experiences this someday. ~Kari
This makes me smile! I'm very happy for DD and you. Andrew is always asking if he can go with Bug to play with her and her friends when she is invited over. She wants to get away for awhile, and I don't blame her one bit. But I feel so bad for him. One time he said to me, "It's not fair, I don't have a best friend." The older he gets the more it hurts him.
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