I have found my next car. I am hoping to pick it up in the next few days.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
When MD's Don't "Get It"
Tonight I took DS & DD for their 2 year physicals. Because their ages are 14 mo. apart, if I time it right I can hit it so they are both in an even year and get them both with one trip. They have been really healthy the last couple of years, so we haven't been to that Dr. office since their last physical in 2006.
The doctor the kids had seen for many years is no longer at this clinic, and what was once a small local clinic is now part of one of the bigger health chains. This doesn't bother me (I wasn't a huge fan of the old doctor, and by linking with the bigger chain, we will have more direct access to more doctors.), however when I called to make the appointment, I found that they had input all the kids' old information into the computer (since birth dad was local, they had gone to this clinic with him previously). Birth names, birth dad & family as contacts, addresses, emergency contacts. They couldn't even locate the kids in the system at first, and this is after I have been taking them there for the last 5 years. Imagine what would have happened if the school or daycare had called based on the info on their emergency cards. Needless to say, I wasn't impressed.
Since their old doctor had retired, we needed to select a new one. This is rather like Russian roulette, so I just took whatever name they offered. After all, they mean nothing to me without meeting the dr. in person. I was pleased to get a woman, since I can see DD needing a female dr. in the future.
The nurse did a great job getting all the information in the system (though it took forever), doing the various checks on the kids, etc. Then the Dr. arrived. She asked about the kids' general health, and did the usual checks. Then she started in on DS's new medication (Abilify). She wanted to know whether he was diagnosed as bipolar, and what behaviors we had seen before he went on the meds. Now, I don't have a problem with full disclosure to a doctor, but I was miffed that she was doing it in front of him, his sister, and the nurse, and while he was clearly embarrassed. I didn't feel I could talk freely, and I felt like she was questioning our judgement in the meds and about his issues. Since we got the scrip through our psychiatrist, I'm not dependant on her for it anyway.
Then it was DD's turn. Again, she started questioning the meds (Vyvanse, which she spelled incorrectly). She asked if it was for ADHD, and I said, "Yes, but also for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome."
She glanced at DD and said, "She doesn't really have the facial features of FAS." To which I calmly responded, "It is more obvious in her younger pictures, and besides, facial features are only a small component of the diagnosis." I mentioned that while she performed well on logical, clear cut tasks, more abstract concepts were difficult, as well as impulse control.
Then we discussed their asthma maintenance. While at first the kids had a lot of problems, now they basically only have issues intermittently, mostly whenever they pick up a cold bug. Even though I wasn't bowled over by the last doc, he at least realized early on that I had a good handle on how to monitor the kids' asthma and what tools (meds) I needed to accomplish this without a lot of bogus office visits. The new one just talked over me and told me we couldn't have this or that (the meds which have worked in the past), and if things got to that point then we would just have to come in. In other words, they want to bill insurance for more visits. Grrr...
It really bugged me that she had seen these kids for less than 10 minutes, but was questioning our diagnosis and reading of their needs. I do not like being talked down to, or having my knowledge questioned like that. I felt it was unprofessional for her to make the kids so uncomfortable by talking about everything in front of them, and making me explain their faults in detail in their presence. It's not that they don't know what their issues are, they just don't need it rubbed in their faces.
Fortunately, if the last few years hold true, we won't need a dr. visit for another 2 years (knock on wood). By that point, we can pick a different dr. for our appointment. I could switch clinics, but there aren't many as convenient for us, and I have loved the nursing staff. The nurse today took extra time to go through their charts and input all the kids' past immunizations into the system, so she could give me a nice printout. (I never had a great record before, just info I had cobbled together). If we had more medical issues, maybe it would be worth it, but not so much for such healthy kids.
Oh, and to top it all off, both kids needed 3 shots (flu, chicken pox, and Tetanus booster). DD, who I'd think would be a wimp, was just fine. DS, who generally likes to show off how tough he is (and barely flinched at the last flu shot), tried to refuse and ended up howling. How can something so necessary make me feel like such a mean mom!? And I didn't even opt for the optional Meningitis or HPV vaccines.
The doctor the kids had seen for many years is no longer at this clinic, and what was once a small local clinic is now part of one of the bigger health chains. This doesn't bother me (I wasn't a huge fan of the old doctor, and by linking with the bigger chain, we will have more direct access to more doctors.), however when I called to make the appointment, I found that they had input all the kids' old information into the computer (since birth dad was local, they had gone to this clinic with him previously). Birth names, birth dad & family as contacts, addresses, emergency contacts. They couldn't even locate the kids in the system at first, and this is after I have been taking them there for the last 5 years. Imagine what would have happened if the school or daycare had called based on the info on their emergency cards. Needless to say, I wasn't impressed.
Since their old doctor had retired, we needed to select a new one. This is rather like Russian roulette, so I just took whatever name they offered. After all, they mean nothing to me without meeting the dr. in person. I was pleased to get a woman, since I can see DD needing a female dr. in the future.
The nurse did a great job getting all the information in the system (though it took forever), doing the various checks on the kids, etc. Then the Dr. arrived. She asked about the kids' general health, and did the usual checks. Then she started in on DS's new medication (Abilify). She wanted to know whether he was diagnosed as bipolar, and what behaviors we had seen before he went on the meds. Now, I don't have a problem with full disclosure to a doctor, but I was miffed that she was doing it in front of him, his sister, and the nurse, and while he was clearly embarrassed. I didn't feel I could talk freely, and I felt like she was questioning our judgement in the meds and about his issues. Since we got the scrip through our psychiatrist, I'm not dependant on her for it anyway.
Then it was DD's turn. Again, she started questioning the meds (Vyvanse, which she spelled incorrectly). She asked if it was for ADHD, and I said, "Yes, but also for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome."
She glanced at DD and said, "She doesn't really have the facial features of FAS." To which I calmly responded, "It is more obvious in her younger pictures, and besides, facial features are only a small component of the diagnosis." I mentioned that while she performed well on logical, clear cut tasks, more abstract concepts were difficult, as well as impulse control.
Then we discussed their asthma maintenance. While at first the kids had a lot of problems, now they basically only have issues intermittently, mostly whenever they pick up a cold bug. Even though I wasn't bowled over by the last doc, he at least realized early on that I had a good handle on how to monitor the kids' asthma and what tools (meds) I needed to accomplish this without a lot of bogus office visits. The new one just talked over me and told me we couldn't have this or that (the meds which have worked in the past), and if things got to that point then we would just have to come in. In other words, they want to bill insurance for more visits. Grrr...
It really bugged me that she had seen these kids for less than 10 minutes, but was questioning our diagnosis and reading of their needs. I do not like being talked down to, or having my knowledge questioned like that. I felt it was unprofessional for her to make the kids so uncomfortable by talking about everything in front of them, and making me explain their faults in detail in their presence. It's not that they don't know what their issues are, they just don't need it rubbed in their faces.
Fortunately, if the last few years hold true, we won't need a dr. visit for another 2 years (knock on wood). By that point, we can pick a different dr. for our appointment. I could switch clinics, but there aren't many as convenient for us, and I have loved the nursing staff. The nurse today took extra time to go through their charts and input all the kids' past immunizations into the system, so she could give me a nice printout. (I never had a great record before, just info I had cobbled together). If we had more medical issues, maybe it would be worth it, but not so much for such healthy kids.
Oh, and to top it all off, both kids needed 3 shots (flu, chicken pox, and Tetanus booster). DD, who I'd think would be a wimp, was just fine. DS, who generally likes to show off how tough he is (and barely flinched at the last flu shot), tried to refuse and ended up howling. How can something so necessary make me feel like such a mean mom!? And I didn't even opt for the optional Meningitis or HPV vaccines.
Friday, November 14, 2008
My Little Penguin
At the party, DD received 4 new Webkinz. The one below was the first one, and in light of my recent post, it made me giggle.
How could the other little girl know that DD is my little penguin?
How could the other little girl know that DD is my little penguin?
Way Behind, Part 2
After the race, we ran a couple of errands and headed home to get some homework finished, since we had big plans for the evening.
You may recall that DD's birthday was about a month ago. However, for various scheduling reasons, we didn't have the party at that time. In the past few years, in fact, we had been avoiding the party thing because we had such a hard time getting girls to come to DD's parties, and I didn't want to see her heartbreak. We made up an excuse of "getting too old" to avoid the issue.
Well, this year, since the kids started in a new school, we figured it would be a good time to resurrect the party thing. There are only 10 girls in DD's class, which is a manageable number, so we decided to invite them all. It would give the girls a chance to socialize together, and me a chance to get to know the girls. Of the ten, all but 2 accepted. A couple of girls wanted to come so badly that their parents made special transportation arrangements.
Rather than have them all at our house (chaos!), or go to some run-around-like-crazy activity, we decided to have the girls do some service. There is an organization in our area which recruits volunteers of all ages to help pack nutritious meals for shipment oversees to starving children. The donated labor has made it possible for them to provide over 70 million meals in the past 5 years, at about 15 cents each, consisting of rice, soy protein, veggies, and a (vegetarian) chicken flavored vitamin mix. The girls had a blast (and looked great in those hair nets ;-)!
You may recall that DD's birthday was about a month ago. However, for various scheduling reasons, we didn't have the party at that time. In the past few years, in fact, we had been avoiding the party thing because we had such a hard time getting girls to come to DD's parties, and I didn't want to see her heartbreak. We made up an excuse of "getting too old" to avoid the issue.
Well, this year, since the kids started in a new school, we figured it would be a good time to resurrect the party thing. There are only 10 girls in DD's class, which is a manageable number, so we decided to invite them all. It would give the girls a chance to socialize together, and me a chance to get to know the girls. Of the ten, all but 2 accepted. A couple of girls wanted to come so badly that their parents made special transportation arrangements.
Rather than have them all at our house (chaos!), or go to some run-around-like-crazy activity, we decided to have the girls do some service. There is an organization in our area which recruits volunteers of all ages to help pack nutritious meals for shipment oversees to starving children. The donated labor has made it possible for them to provide over 70 million meals in the past 5 years, at about 15 cents each, consisting of rice, soy protein, veggies, and a (vegetarian) chicken flavored vitamin mix. The girls had a blast (and looked great in those hair nets ;-)!
When we were done, we headed to a nearby pizza parlor for presents, pizza and cake. It was interesting to see the girls interact. DD is still obviously behind them socially, but most of them take it in stride. You can tell that some are more comfortable than others, but that is to be expected. It was wonderful to see her having such a great time, and be part of tre normal, giggly "girl stuff" that others enjoy. What a great group of girls!
We're going to do the same thing for DS's birthday in a couple of months (he only has 10 boys in his class). It will be interesting to see how a group of boys is different than the girls!
Way Behind, Part 1
Ever have so much to blog that you didn't know where to start? I have been falling more and more behind in the last couple of weeks. Not just in my blogging, but in everything, it seems. Nothing crucial, and everything in the "has to" category is getting completed, but there are a lot of things falling by the wayside. I keep hoping that *this* weekend will be the one I get back on track, but it doesn't seem to be happening. So I will just pick something and go with it....
Last Saturday was a rather busy day for us. After DS's success in his cross country meet, I went looking for other running opportunities for him. I'm hoping to find a track team for younger kids, so he can get more experience.
In my searching, I stumbled on the USA Track & Fitness website, and a contact there recommended that we bring DS to that weekend's Junior Olympic Qualifying race. It was 3K (almost twice what he's run previously), but he was game, so I figured I would take him out there. Of course, it was freezing (literally) that day. Fine for those who are busy running, not so fine for those of us who are standing around waiting. The things we do for love ;-)
DS was psyched up for the race, though a little nervous. It was around the paths on a nearby golf course, so some hills, but nothing too steep. At the halfway point he was doing well and in good spirits. At the 5/6 point, not so much. As he ran toward us, up a hill, he was crying and saying, "I can't do this." I encouraged him that he was almost to the end, and that he could indeed push through. He finished in 10:54, but got to the end and announced, "I'm never doing that again." I just told him what a great job he did, and how proud of him I was. I reminded him that he was the youngest in the group, and had never trained at that distance, so maybe it wasn't the best situation to make that decision. He quickly calmed down. Later, in the car, he said he thought he had come in tenth, and I told him that the top 10 in each age group were automatically invited to participate at Nationals (in Virginia).
His response? "AW....Aren't you going to take me to Nationals?!"
So you can see why I didn't worry to much about his "never again" comment. I knew that once the immediate discomfort wore off, he'd be good as new, and he was. Now he has a medal to show for it, and we have a better idea of what to expect next time.
Last Saturday was a rather busy day for us. After DS's success in his cross country meet, I went looking for other running opportunities for him. I'm hoping to find a track team for younger kids, so he can get more experience.
In my searching, I stumbled on the USA Track & Fitness website, and a contact there recommended that we bring DS to that weekend's Junior Olympic Qualifying race. It was 3K (almost twice what he's run previously), but he was game, so I figured I would take him out there. Of course, it was freezing (literally) that day. Fine for those who are busy running, not so fine for those of us who are standing around waiting. The things we do for love ;-)
DS was psyched up for the race, though a little nervous. It was around the paths on a nearby golf course, so some hills, but nothing too steep. At the halfway point he was doing well and in good spirits. At the 5/6 point, not so much. As he ran toward us, up a hill, he was crying and saying, "I can't do this." I encouraged him that he was almost to the end, and that he could indeed push through. He finished in 10:54, but got to the end and announced, "I'm never doing that again." I just told him what a great job he did, and how proud of him I was. I reminded him that he was the youngest in the group, and had never trained at that distance, so maybe it wasn't the best situation to make that decision. He quickly calmed down. Later, in the car, he said he thought he had come in tenth, and I told him that the top 10 in each age group were automatically invited to participate at Nationals (in Virginia).
His response? "AW....Aren't you going to take me to Nationals?!"
So you can see why I didn't worry to much about his "never again" comment. I knew that once the immediate discomfort wore off, he'd be good as new, and he was. Now he has a medal to show for it, and we have a better idea of what to expect next time.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Updates and School Conferences
This morning I took DS to his 3-month follow-up after being put on Abilify for his anger issues. It was great to have nothing but wonderful things to report. This medicine has made a huge difference for him. It gives him that split second he needs to stop and think before his anger rages out of control. I think we've only had one rage since he started, and a few crying sessions. But even then he's done better at getting back on track.
We're also going to try DD on Vivance, since she is outgrowing her Adderall. Hopefully this will give her a little bit more focus during the day. Anyone have experience with this med?
This evening it was time for conferences. First DS's - nothing but glowing things. According to the teacher, he has blended well into his new classroom, has an excellent work ethic, and sets a great example for his peers. DS absolutely loves this teacher. In his eyes, she hung the moon. We find this interesting, as she is known for being one of the stricter teachers in the school, but in his words, "she keeps me in line, and I need that." She commented that he has shown a lot of maturity in class, and is a joy to have as a student. It's been wonderful to watch him blossom this year. He loves that he is no longer known as the "angry kid," and instead can just enjoy his friends.
In between conferences, we decided it would probably be a good idea to locate our children. DS was playing with some of the kids in the gym, but we couldn't find DD in the child care room or the gym. We started looking for her elsewhere, and finally found her in the conference room, quietly working on her homework. What a great sight!
We tensed ourselves for DD's conference next. The first part of her year was rough, and I was constantly being told about what she was doing wrong, leading me to some pretty down moments. We weren't sure what to expect (though we keep in contact with the teacher constantly). Fortunately, we were in for a pleasant surprise. Her grades this quarter were mostly A's & B's, with C's thrown in for PE and Science. Though she still gets mad at some of the transitions and anticipation of consequences, we were told DS has made huge strides in the classroom. The teacher said that today her name was on the board for talking, and was accidentally erased. When asked if hers had a check or not (a check after your name means missed recess time), DS calmly said that yes, she did, and put her own name in the "5 minutes" category. This is amazing to us - a few years ago she would have run out of the room screaming. We talked about her success, and we think that part of it is that consequences are very clear at this school, and very consistently applied. She knows what to expect, and I think that takes away some of the tension. She's learned that missing 5 min. of recess will not be the end of the world, too.
We met with DD's science teacher, too, since this has been a trouble spot. Last week, DD got mad because she had to redo an assignment, so she screamed, "I hate you and I hate science!" at the top of her lungs. We wanted to see if we could come up with some strategies for the future. After talking to the teacher, we learned that, for that class, C+ is a very good grade (tougher curve). Also, the teacher was able to look back and see what she could have done differently to avoid escalating the situation the previous week, and we discussed some strategies she could use in the future. We are so glad that the kids are integrating into this school. Although we know it won't always be smooth sailing, we are definitely confident we made the right decision.
Of course, it was a different story when we got home. DS still can't handle any sort of criticism of his homework. I'm not talking harsh criticism, where we tell him how awful he is (and we definitely don't do that!!!). I mean little things like, "You might want to check this section for misspelled words," or, "I think you aren't quite understanding how the carrying thing works - let's take a look at it." Basics of a parent helping their child. But the way he responds, you'd think I'd just called him every horrible name in the book, and rejected him from the family. He just bawls and can't be consoled. I have learned to hug him, remind him that a correction of his work is not a criticism of him, and tell him to go calm down in his room and come back when he's ready to face his work again. Generally, after he is calm again, he does a great job on whatever the subject is.
Today it was because he'd written a story, but had cut it very short just to be done. Writing stories is something he does very well, so I knew it was an "I want to be finished quickly" type of ending, and not one into which he'd put a lot of effort. I told him that he should probably flesh it out a little, and to do a little checking for run-on sentences. I could see the tears forming, so I recommended that he step away and come back to it. As he went upstairs, he bawled, "I can't do it!" When dinner was over, he did it just fine. But when I try to get an idea of what is making him respond so poorly, he can't give me any ideas. Hopefully, this will pass for him eventually, too.
So, once again we are up, we are down. But the positive reports today were a great upper!
We're also going to try DD on Vivance, since she is outgrowing her Adderall. Hopefully this will give her a little bit more focus during the day. Anyone have experience with this med?
This evening it was time for conferences. First DS's - nothing but glowing things. According to the teacher, he has blended well into his new classroom, has an excellent work ethic, and sets a great example for his peers. DS absolutely loves this teacher. In his eyes, she hung the moon. We find this interesting, as she is known for being one of the stricter teachers in the school, but in his words, "she keeps me in line, and I need that." She commented that he has shown a lot of maturity in class, and is a joy to have as a student. It's been wonderful to watch him blossom this year. He loves that he is no longer known as the "angry kid," and instead can just enjoy his friends.
In between conferences, we decided it would probably be a good idea to locate our children. DS was playing with some of the kids in the gym, but we couldn't find DD in the child care room or the gym. We started looking for her elsewhere, and finally found her in the conference room, quietly working on her homework. What a great sight!
We tensed ourselves for DD's conference next. The first part of her year was rough, and I was constantly being told about what she was doing wrong, leading me to some pretty down moments. We weren't sure what to expect (though we keep in contact with the teacher constantly). Fortunately, we were in for a pleasant surprise. Her grades this quarter were mostly A's & B's, with C's thrown in for PE and Science. Though she still gets mad at some of the transitions and anticipation of consequences, we were told DS has made huge strides in the classroom. The teacher said that today her name was on the board for talking, and was accidentally erased. When asked if hers had a check or not (a check after your name means missed recess time), DS calmly said that yes, she did, and put her own name in the "5 minutes" category. This is amazing to us - a few years ago she would have run out of the room screaming. We talked about her success, and we think that part of it is that consequences are very clear at this school, and very consistently applied. She knows what to expect, and I think that takes away some of the tension. She's learned that missing 5 min. of recess will not be the end of the world, too.
We met with DD's science teacher, too, since this has been a trouble spot. Last week, DD got mad because she had to redo an assignment, so she screamed, "I hate you and I hate science!" at the top of her lungs. We wanted to see if we could come up with some strategies for the future. After talking to the teacher, we learned that, for that class, C+ is a very good grade (tougher curve). Also, the teacher was able to look back and see what she could have done differently to avoid escalating the situation the previous week, and we discussed some strategies she could use in the future. We are so glad that the kids are integrating into this school. Although we know it won't always be smooth sailing, we are definitely confident we made the right decision.
Of course, it was a different story when we got home. DS still can't handle any sort of criticism of his homework. I'm not talking harsh criticism, where we tell him how awful he is (and we definitely don't do that!!!). I mean little things like, "You might want to check this section for misspelled words," or, "I think you aren't quite understanding how the carrying thing works - let's take a look at it." Basics of a parent helping their child. But the way he responds, you'd think I'd just called him every horrible name in the book, and rejected him from the family. He just bawls and can't be consoled. I have learned to hug him, remind him that a correction of his work is not a criticism of him, and tell him to go calm down in his room and come back when he's ready to face his work again. Generally, after he is calm again, he does a great job on whatever the subject is.
Today it was because he'd written a story, but had cut it very short just to be done. Writing stories is something he does very well, so I knew it was an "I want to be finished quickly" type of ending, and not one into which he'd put a lot of effort. I told him that he should probably flesh it out a little, and to do a little checking for run-on sentences. I could see the tears forming, so I recommended that he step away and come back to it. As he went upstairs, he bawled, "I can't do it!" When dinner was over, he did it just fine. But when I try to get an idea of what is making him respond so poorly, he can't give me any ideas. Hopefully, this will pass for him eventually, too.
So, once again we are up, we are down. But the positive reports today were a great upper!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Teaching a Penguin to Fly
Penguins are interesting birds. Nobody argues that they fit in the "bird" category: They have feathers like birds, they have beaks like birds, they lay eggs like birds. They even have wings, just like we expect from birds. However, they cannot fly like birds, despite having what, on first glance, would appear to be all the requisite equipment. Now, we nature lovers do not expect those penguins to fly. No one would dream of telling a penguin they could fly, if only they tried harder. We know they would need constant support from below to even get off the ground, and they certainly couldn't maintain flight! But that's all right with us, because they have other characteristics we praise: they are graceful swimmers, tireless parents, and demonstrate some hilarious antics. They even overcome some terrifying hardships we would not want to face, such as terrible extreme temperatures, biting blizzards, and months-long treks without food. They even still are nice to their young, even on an empty stomach. Could we say the same?
My daughter is a penguin. All the signs point to her being a normal little girl, who should be able to handle what all the other little girls do. Responsibility, being left alone, completing homework, writing reports. And yet these, for her, are like asking a penguin to fly. She has so many other gifts: she is great at math, an ace speller, and a naturally talented gymnast. Best of all, she has a way of finding the best in people from which most of us could learn a thing or two.
By sixth grade, teachers expect students to be handling all of their homework on their own. Her teachers will acknowledge that she is a penguin, will smile and nod understandingly when I discuss her limitations, but in practice they still want her to fly like the other birds. For some of her assignments, this works great. Math, spelling, grammar, and much of her geography homework can be done independently. But writing assignments are, for her, akin to flying. Now, I don't think she should be exempt from these assignments. Learning how to organize ideas, and put them to paper is an important skill. If we had made her exempt over the years from the various subjects which troubled her, the math, spelling, etc. would not be happening at all now. We spent hours working on reading, working on math, etc. in order for her to find her own wings in these subjects. It probably took a lot more "man hours" than for most students, but we got there, and I remind her with pride of how far she has come from those days. We have, however, asked that her work in these tough areas be judged not in relation to the "average" sixth grader, but on their own merit, as examples of the best she can accomplish.
So I recently came to a point of peace and compromise regarding the help I provide with writing assignments. As I see it, I have two choices: I can either let her flail and fail, or give her the support from below that she needs to at least experience the feeling of flying, and maybe pick up a few of the skills along the way. Recently, she had to write a poem with rhythm and rhyme. HA! I asked her to come up with an idea, helped her tweak it, and helped her find a rhyming phrase that fit the poem's theme. On her own, she would never have known what the teacher wanted. Hopefully, next time an assignment like this comes up, she will have a slightly better understanding of the goal, and more of it will come from her.
This week, it's a report on seals. She did great on taking notes for the paper (this is very concrete - you read the book, you write interesting things on cards, and add the page number). Writing the outline was a bit more difficult. When she tried to start on her own, she started piling her 20+ cards into what she thought were separate topics.... and had about 16 piles. This would make for either a very long report, or one with a lot of short paragraphs. I helped her group them by broader topics, put them in order, and turn them into an outline. I then walked her through the process of typing and formatting it on the computer. She did all the computer work, but I spent a lot of time directing her, "click that button.... up to the left... farther left... a little down... no, now a little up... click it once... OK, hit undo, then click it once this time..."...and so on.... Whew! On to the next step.
Writing the rough draft has been interesting (and not a little draining). I decided to have her start with the central paragraphs, then move to the intro and conclusion. She keeps wanting to put random interesting facts in the intro, so I figured it was best to start with the section where she could get those details out of her system, then go to the more general paragraphs. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth. I have to lead her into the first words of each sentence and idea. She'll tell me what she wants to say one second, and then completely forget the information a second later. Or sometimes her words her in sentences order in come out may not. I don't want to just hand the sentences to her - I think it sets a bad precedent - but sometimes it seems she just gets stuck, so I do more leading. Other times, the ideas flow easily. So I sat her at the computer, sat nearby, and provided prompts so she could get her rough draft written. Tomorrow I will have her sit down with her printout and edit for spelling, grammar, and any facts she wanted to include but forgot. By Friday, we will have a paper completed. It may not be at the standard for her grade level, but she will have written as much as she is able. More importantly, she will have the experience (with support) of flying just like the others in her class.
Others may have different opinions, but I think this is more help to her than letting her put down random information without understanding it, and more supportive than embarrassing her by sending her to school empty-handed. She is so proud when she brings home an assignment with a good grade, after working so hard on it. (Plus, if she figures out she can get out of one assignment, it won't stop there, and we'll be heading down a slippery slope.) She rides a fine line - she tests of average intelligence and some things come easily to her, but others subjects are terribly difficult. I sometimes think it might be simpler if she was more firmly in the "can't" category. Less would be expected of her, and I would feel more willing to surrender to the inevitable. But right now, she is holding in there, and I want that for her as long as possible.
This may not be the "teacher approved" method, but it seems to work. Each time, she gets a little more independent. Her sentences get a little better vocabulary, a little more interesting structure. And I know that her future career will likely not involve poetry, or writing reports, or even giving long answers about an author's purpose in a story. She will use her other given talents, and shine just as brightly, even if she never flies.
And with each new assignment, she will know a little more what it is like to fly.
My daughter is a penguin. All the signs point to her being a normal little girl, who should be able to handle what all the other little girls do. Responsibility, being left alone, completing homework, writing reports. And yet these, for her, are like asking a penguin to fly. She has so many other gifts: she is great at math, an ace speller, and a naturally talented gymnast. Best of all, she has a way of finding the best in people from which most of us could learn a thing or two.
By sixth grade, teachers expect students to be handling all of their homework on their own. Her teachers will acknowledge that she is a penguin, will smile and nod understandingly when I discuss her limitations, but in practice they still want her to fly like the other birds. For some of her assignments, this works great. Math, spelling, grammar, and much of her geography homework can be done independently. But writing assignments are, for her, akin to flying. Now, I don't think she should be exempt from these assignments. Learning how to organize ideas, and put them to paper is an important skill. If we had made her exempt over the years from the various subjects which troubled her, the math, spelling, etc. would not be happening at all now. We spent hours working on reading, working on math, etc. in order for her to find her own wings in these subjects. It probably took a lot more "man hours" than for most students, but we got there, and I remind her with pride of how far she has come from those days. We have, however, asked that her work in these tough areas be judged not in relation to the "average" sixth grader, but on their own merit, as examples of the best she can accomplish.
So I recently came to a point of peace and compromise regarding the help I provide with writing assignments. As I see it, I have two choices: I can either let her flail and fail, or give her the support from below that she needs to at least experience the feeling of flying, and maybe pick up a few of the skills along the way. Recently, she had to write a poem with rhythm and rhyme. HA! I asked her to come up with an idea, helped her tweak it, and helped her find a rhyming phrase that fit the poem's theme. On her own, she would never have known what the teacher wanted. Hopefully, next time an assignment like this comes up, she will have a slightly better understanding of the goal, and more of it will come from her.
This week, it's a report on seals. She did great on taking notes for the paper (this is very concrete - you read the book, you write interesting things on cards, and add the page number). Writing the outline was a bit more difficult. When she tried to start on her own, she started piling her 20+ cards into what she thought were separate topics.... and had about 16 piles. This would make for either a very long report, or one with a lot of short paragraphs. I helped her group them by broader topics, put them in order, and turn them into an outline. I then walked her through the process of typing and formatting it on the computer. She did all the computer work, but I spent a lot of time directing her, "click that button.... up to the left... farther left... a little down... no, now a little up... click it once... OK, hit undo, then click it once this time..."...and so on.... Whew! On to the next step.
Writing the rough draft has been interesting (and not a little draining). I decided to have her start with the central paragraphs, then move to the intro and conclusion. She keeps wanting to put random interesting facts in the intro, so I figured it was best to start with the section where she could get those details out of her system, then go to the more general paragraphs. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth. I have to lead her into the first words of each sentence and idea. She'll tell me what she wants to say one second, and then completely forget the information a second later. Or sometimes her words her in sentences order in come out may not. I don't want to just hand the sentences to her - I think it sets a bad precedent - but sometimes it seems she just gets stuck, so I do more leading. Other times, the ideas flow easily. So I sat her at the computer, sat nearby, and provided prompts so she could get her rough draft written. Tomorrow I will have her sit down with her printout and edit for spelling, grammar, and any facts she wanted to include but forgot. By Friday, we will have a paper completed. It may not be at the standard for her grade level, but she will have written as much as she is able. More importantly, she will have the experience (with support) of flying just like the others in her class.
Others may have different opinions, but I think this is more help to her than letting her put down random information without understanding it, and more supportive than embarrassing her by sending her to school empty-handed. She is so proud when she brings home an assignment with a good grade, after working so hard on it. (Plus, if she figures out she can get out of one assignment, it won't stop there, and we'll be heading down a slippery slope.) She rides a fine line - she tests of average intelligence and some things come easily to her, but others subjects are terribly difficult. I sometimes think it might be simpler if she was more firmly in the "can't" category. Less would be expected of her, and I would feel more willing to surrender to the inevitable. But right now, she is holding in there, and I want that for her as long as possible.
This may not be the "teacher approved" method, but it seems to work. Each time, she gets a little more independent. Her sentences get a little better vocabulary, a little more interesting structure. And I know that her future career will likely not involve poetry, or writing reports, or even giving long answers about an author's purpose in a story. She will use her other given talents, and shine just as brightly, even if she never flies.
And with each new assignment, she will know a little more what it is like to fly.
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