OK, I'm sure this is true for a lot of kids (birth or adopted), but I swear my two cover the entire personality spectrum all by themselves. DD is the eternal optimist, living in a land of pink ponies and sunshine. DS is the consummate pessimist, Murphy's Law is his mantra. DD is a light, on the surface kind of thinker, DS is the deeper thinker. DD gets to know anyone and everyone, DS is cautious (and doesn't have any friends, if you ask him on a bad day). But above all, while DS is Speedy Gonzales about everything (running, talking, eating, getting dressed, working), DD is slow. I mean really slow. Tooth-gratingly, aggravatingly, glacially slow. About the only thing she does quickly is get mad.
Each year, this becomes more of an issue, as the homework load increases. I know there are different theories on how to handle education issues with FASD, but personally, I am determined to keep her with her peers academically as much as I can, for as long as I can. I know I will lose this battle eventually, but it won't be without a fight. Unfortunately, this means hours spent on homework each night. Part of this is because she needs extra help and guidance - I'm perfectly fine with that, and that's not what bugs me. Most of the problem is that she can take a 5 minute task and turn it into an hour-long one. She gets her book out so slowly. She gets her paper set up so slowly. She writes so slowly. If this was all she was capable of, I'd be fine. But she can go faster, she just doesn't. I know there are lots of reasons for this. I get that. That doesn't mean it can't drive me nuts!
At the orientation meeting at school, the teacher made a point of telling me that if she had more than an hour of homework per night, to let her know and they would lighten the load. I have mixed feelings about this. First, I know that 1 hr for the average student is 2 hrs for my DD. In only an hour, we'd barely get the name on the paper. Second, once we start cutting back, it can be a slippery slope. In which subject do we allow her to fall behind? Also, if she realizes she can get a lighter homework load, she will take advantage of it, and then where will be be. Third, I know she does not use her in-class time wisely, and a lot of this could be done before she gets home. On the other hand, I would like to have a life beyond homework. While all this is certainly improving my math and science skills (not exactly a weak spot - my degree is in Chemistry), I do not want to relive all these grades a second time. I also am tired of having DD look at me like I'm insane when I tell her things like the fact that the name of the continent is spelled "Asia," not "Aisa." 'Cause of course I wouldn't have a clue how to spell that at 38 yrs. old.
Right now she is on the Volleyball team, and we have told her that she needs to shape up quickly, or there will be no more Volleyball, and no other teams in the near future. They're a great opportunity for her, but I need a life, and her cooperation. Fortunately, this sport is only a 3 1/2 week commitment, so it will soon be over, but there are others right behind it.
So, after 3 1/2 hrs, homework still wasn't complete. Math had yet to be completed, and there was a worksheet and a reading assignment she left at school. I sent her to bed so she'd get a decent night's sleep, and tomorrow morning I will cross my fingers and hope she gets the math done at morning daycare (2 hours - she should have plenty of time). And we've only had 5 days of school. Well, I didn't want to have a life anyway.
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2 comments:
My daughter's favorite speed is slow!
Last year we made homework 100% her responsibility. We give her the time and place to work on it, and we are available to answer a question if she asks, BUT homework is her responsibility.
Evenings are much more pleasant and she now manages to get homework done in 30 minutes or less!
Ah, I wish that could work for her, and we certainly have backed off as her skill level has improved, but I know that given the opportunity she would do nothing at all, or fill in the random blanks just to make it look like she did something. And then she would fall behind and we'd have a rougher road getting her caught up (not to mention the fits when she got her papers back - for some reason she can't make the connection between crappy work and poor grades!). I don't know if she actually cares about getting finished in a reasonable amount of time.
Unfortunately, she is not yet at the comprehension level where she can handle all of it independantly, and still requires a significant amount of tutoring, particularly in writing, social studies, and science. Each year shows significant improvement, though, and we are optimistic that this will change over time. I remember the battles over math, reading, spelling, and grammar, and now she can do those on her own.
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