It's Awful and Wonderful

Recently I read Ice Bound, the autobiography of a female doctor who spent the winter at the South Pole about 10 years ago, and discovered she had breast cancer while she was there. You might remember the story - they couldn't get her out because it was too cold for planes to land, so they did an airdrop of supplies, and she had to administer chemo to herself until she could safely be rescued. I really enjoyed this book, and by the time I was finished with it, I was ready to spend a winter at the south pole myself. It sounds like an amazing challenge.

But this isn't meant to be a book review. What I found particularly fascinating is the state of mind of the folks over-wintering at the pole (a.k.a. Polies). Conditions there are indescribably extreme. Captain Scott (an Antarctic explorer) summed it up with, "Great God, this is an awful place." Temperatures midwinter (June/July/August) can get down to 100 below zero. Connection to the outside world is limited to sporadic satellite connection once a day around the time of the equinox. A small group of people share close quarters, dwindling supplies, and decreasing daytime light. And yet they thrive, they learn to depend on each other, and year after year many of them return. It's an odd state of mind, and only those who have experienced it can truly understand. Most people would not be interested in duplicating their experience.

To me, this sounded somewhat familiar. The challenges we face as adoptive parents are hard to describe to those who have not experienced them. We live through extreme situations - most people find it hard to believe we're not exaggerating. We feel cut off from the "normal" world, and sometimes that can feel very restricting. Yet we thrive, make connections with others who understand, and come back for more, no matter how crazy that may seem to others.

The doctor sent a note home to her family a couple of months after her arrival. After being overwhelmed for several weeks by the challenges of living in such an extreme situation, she found she was finally starting to acclimate. This quote resonated with me:

"It is awful and wonderful. It will kill you..., or make you whatever is happening to me. It is not paradise. Nothing good is. I want to stay."

I think we go through similar phases in our adoptive journeys. At first, everything is new and great (the "honeymoon period"). At times we may feel overwhelmed, wonder what insanity prompted us to take this journey, and wish there was a way out. But eventually we discover the rewards of parenting these kids and helping them find success. We build a new community which supports us through the rough spots. It is not paradise, and there are times it's completely awful, but would many of us change our choices, or our children, if we had the chance?

It is not paradise... nothing good is... I want to stay.