In Cahoots

This weekend I discovered that some little "mice" have been stealing treats when Mom & Dad aren't looking. I went to pull out a chocolate from the box Jeff gave me for my birthday last year, and lo and behold, the box was all but empty.

I approached DD first, and she admitted that, "DS took it and gave me a little." Hmmm... was Adam any less guilty because Eve picked the apple off the tree? Soon she admitted to a whole list of stolen items, and also admitted that her share was more like half, rather than the small fraction she first admitted to. I told her I appreciated that she was honest about the stealing, though I did not like her that she lied about how much. I had her make the (rather lengthy) list of the times stolen.

Later I asked DS about it. He immediately told me he didn't do it, it was all his sister. I knew he was lying, told him so, and sent him to his room to come back when he could be honest. 5 minutes later he was back, and admitted his role in the thefts. I told him I didn't like that he lied immediately and was ready to make his sister take the blame. I think he figured that since we all know she steals anyway, it would be easy to let her take the fall.

I brought them both in, told them they were both equally guilty, and both forgiven. We discussed that the items themselves were unimportant (I certainly can do without the chocolate :) but that the loss of trust was a huge thing. This was a new one for us - in the past, they have been tattlers, not co-conspirators. Now they are in cahoots. I will be less comfortable with them home alone now. I guess I should be grateful they are cooperating rather than fighting?

What was really interesting was the difference in their responses. DS's remorse was complete and his tears genuine. It was easy to tell that he felt horrible for having stolen, for having lied, and most of all for losing my trust. We talked about how it felt having things he knew he shouldn't ("icky"), and whether that was worth the momentary pleasure. I can't say it will never happen again, but he will definitely think twice about the behavior. DD, on the other hand, said all the right words - she's learned them over the years - but it was obvious it didn't come from her heart. It was a role to play (she can even fake tears when the situation requires), but I don't expect any change in her behavior in the future. She will still steal, she will still lie, and she will still act offended that we could possibly suspect her of it. I don't know how to make this message impact her heart and values. I can only pray that over the years she will learn to curb her impulses, and be honest out of habit, if not personal morality.