Excuses, Excuses

So, it's been a while. I don't know why - I guess the rush of starting the summer routine, a lot of new activities, some health issues, and a new found addiction to Facebook. I guess for some reason, inspiration just hasn't hit me lately, and when it has, exhaustion has hit at the same time.

But that doesn't mean things are dull around here. Nosireee.... we seem to have stumbled into the lovely land of Preteen Angst. And I know this is just the beginning. Sigh...

For DD, it is taking the form of a general sort of "glumness" about everything. I suppose in some ways it was time for her to tone it down a bit, but I do miss her smile. It's all just so serious now. And when she's not being gloomy, she's telling us what she doesn't want to do. "I don't want to go to bed." "I don't want to take my pill" etc. etc. etc. Add in a generous dose of pouting over everything that is denied to her, and it's all fun. Hm... how many more years until 20?

For DS, it's more anger, over everything. Yesterday it was doing his daily reading before playtime. Two days ago it was because I told him to cut his spaghetti in the restaurant instead of slurping it in giant messy bites. Before that it was because I told him to remember to do a better job brushing his teeth in the morning because he still had gunk in them after brushing them twice that night. Before that it was having to put a shirt in the laundry. Any instruction that doesn't end with "go outside and play" results in glares, growls, snarls, and general grumpiness. Oh joy!

And, it's only 2 weeks into the summer program, and I've already received a call from the staff to let me know DS gave another kid a black eye over a fight over a game. I hope this isn't the start of another bad spell like we had last summer. DS insists he doesn't want that to happen, and I believe he is sincere. He's done a better job of taking the initiative to find a quiet spot when his anger flares until he has cooled off. But some days he just seems to want to wallow in it, and that's what drives me bonkers.

One new thing we've discovered about which I'm hoping someone can give me some insight. We've suspected for a while that DS has some mild sensory disintegration issues. Nothing debilitating that keeps him from functioning, but he has an extreme craving for touch, especially tickling or wrestling. He loves rough materials, and tight hugs, and things that buzz, etc. He's always been my cuddler, and will frequently ask (or demand) that I rub his back or scratch his arms lightly with my nails. If I don't do it voluntarily, he will grab my hand and do it himself (he loves my nails). I figure it's a natural response from a child who probably didn't get a whole lot of physical affection as an infant.

Sometimes I've used this to our advantage - when he's fidgety, rubbing his back will generally settle him down. Other times I've stopped him when he's getting towards the edge (and on our nerves) and given him a "strong hug," sometimes with his arms at his side to get that papoose feeling. Lately, I've been trying to remember to rub his arms or back when he's mad. When I remember, I get the most interesting response.

The other day, he was slipping into fury over something (I believe it was the tooth brushing incident), and was sitting on the bed for quite a while glaring, clenching his fists, and refusing to answer us. I reached over and started just rubbing his arm. Then I told him I'd rub his back if he'd move closer, which he did. A minute later, it was like a dam broke, and he was cuddling into me for a hug. I tried the same thing at his baseball game, where he started kicking and throwing things because he struck out. After 10 minutes of this, I sat next to him on the bench and just rubbed his back - he was out of it within 30 seconds. He even reported yesterday that he was angry at the summer program, but he went to his "calming spot" and rubbed his arms, which helped him calm himself.

It's the oddest thing - when he is in "anger mode," it's like this alien kid showed up and took over my sweet little boy's body. He gets stuck there for a long time. And then the rubbing is like flipping the switch to bring him back. I'm trying to work with it more, see when it works and when it doesn't (haven't had it not work yet), see what works best, and figure out a way for him to use this on his own.

So anyway, the search for solutions (and patience) continues. We still haven't found it yet!