We've all heard that sentence when we try to explain our children's behaviors. It seems so often that the effects of FASD are trivialized, or we are considered over-reactive parents when we get frustrated.
Today, I discovered that DD cut her own hair. Again.
Apparently she didn't learn the lesson when she did it at 6, and had to get a short "pageboy" type haircut (which she hated).
Apparently she also didn't learn the lesson when she did it at 8, and took a chunk out of the middle of the crown of her head (which, blessedly, blended in)
She also didn't learn the lesson when she did it at 10, on school picture day, and trimmed her own bangs (which had taken 6 months to grow an inch... the same inch she had just cut off). Fortunately, I was able to trim the rest of the bangs to match, so you would never know from her picture that we had needed an emergency mom-haircut session before school, AND that she had proceeded to throw a mega-fit at school in the special ed room that morning "because her hair was so awful" (hmm... whose fault is that). It was a big enough fit that I had to leave work and drive to school to get her regulated and stop her from breaking everything in the room. One of the aides came in, announced that it was the last chance for pictures, and she immediately cleared up, wiped her face, and went on to take a gorgeous picture.
So, now that she is 12, she decided to cut her own bangs again. When asked about it, she claimed, "I did it accidentally when I was cutting out the planets in class." Yeah, right. An accident is a few strands. A huge hunk is "on purpose." Finally got her to admit her lie. And it's not that having her hair cut is a big deal - I realize that hair is a form of self expression, and a pretty innocuous one at that. But if she had come to me first, and asked, I could have 1) reminded her that the reason she grew out the bangs in the first place was because they drove her nuts (and are again, already), 2) worked to find a solution that helped her have the style she wants without the drive-you-nuts factor, and 3) done a decent job. Tonight became hair-cutting night - I evened out her handiwork, and trimmed the rest while I was at it. In the long run, being driven crazy by her bangs for a couple of years (and boy, does her hair grow slowly!) is going to be payback enough, I think.
The thing is, if I told most people about this, I would hear, "oh, every kid does that." But they don't do it over... and over... and over... and....
Now, what do you think she'll do at 14?
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3 comments:
Exactly.
I'm sorry. :(
May I be so bold as to offer that I really don't think others mean to trivialize us or think we are over-reacting. It's just that they do not know. They simply have no idea. And they are trying to make us feel accepted in the "normal" world of parenting, which by the way, there is no "normal" in parenting any child, disability or no.
HUGS!
dinah, you are so right, but it is sooo difficult. my first grader keeps coming home with other little girls lip glosses. she just cannot help herself when she sees one. i have asked and asked the school to check her backpack before she leaves school. they just don't get it. it is just a lip gloss. sigh. i am going in this morning and trying yet again. i have printed tons of info, explained and "lectured" till i am blue in the face. sigh again.
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