I know I have been a poor poster this year. I've thought many times about things to say, challenges we've faced, etc. But whenever I think about posting, I have the following internal dialog:
Hmm... I should post something
Do you really have anything interesting to say?
Well.... DS (or DD) was really challenging today...
So what's new about that?
I know... I know... same old, same old. How about something uplifting?
We both know you're not feeling particularly uplifting these days.
I'm really struggling right now with the way things are going. The 13-yr-old/FASD combination is really kicking me in the butt!
Wah Wah Wah... what are you whining about?
I'm stressed, and having a hard time visualizing making it to the end of this road.
Is what you're dealing with really that bad? Look at what (insert your name here) is going through. Your stuff is incredibly minor in comparison.
But it's hard! (insert whining voice here)
You are so blessed! Look at how your kids have thrived! Look at their successes. Many of the families you read about would consider your kids a picnic!
And so it goes. Everything that happens seems to be a rerun of every other rage/lie/fight we've have before. It's like a non-funny version of Groundhog Day. I'm feeling frustrated and down, and yet I realize that my challenges are blips compared to what I see in your blogs (and yes, I know you are thinking it couldn't possibly be yours. But it is. All of you. I am amazed and humbled at how you face the day-to-day trials of this path with grace, hope and laughter.) I am trying over and over again to be thankful for our blessings, to find the hope, to embrace the successes, but the whiny part of me just isn't hearing it.
I am struggling with jealousy, too... I see the social growth and interactions of the other children in my kids' classes, and I ache to know what that kind of "normal" feels like. I see parents with babies, and I ache for my arms to be similarly full. And then I am ashamed at my jealousy and dissatisfaction, and think how many parents would be joyful to have our two to love and hold, to have two children who are able to walk, and talk, and run, and learn. So I wonder what's wrong with me, and I start the cycle over again. I pray over and over for the Lord to help me break out of this cycle, to praise my blessings, to release those things that plague me. But I'm not doing very well.
Our lives have been filled with the usual things... 13-yr-old attitude combined with FASD illogic, RAD raging, hours of homework battles, a crazy work load. Our transition from school year to summer has been reasonably calm, though I worry about what issues will come up in the summer program.
This isn't meant to be a pity party, just an explanation of why I have been in a blog drought. I need to find my voice again, I just don't know where it is.
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5 comments:
With our kids, ups and downs in our ability cope with grace is inevitable. You will find your voice again. Until you do, feel to whine.
Did you ever hear of Chinese water torture?
Drip.
This isn't so bad.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
It's not as bad as So-and-so. She had a whole bucket of water thrown in her face. No, this isn't bad.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
OK, you can stop now.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Sometimes chronic is even more exhausting than crisis. Blog when you feel like blogging and say what you need to say.
Hugs! ~Kari
I like hearing other people whine. It makes me feel better about all the whining I do on my own blog. Plus, someone needs to represent those blogs I read who's kids are about the same as mine. If all I read are blogs about parents who have it worse than I do and who still do more than I do, then my inadequacy issues would be even more overwhelming.
So if you read my blog and think, wow she's got it so much worse, or is handling it so much better than I do, you should know it's really that I just whine more and don't talk as much about the days I don't handle things well.
So please keep blogging! It deosn't have to be anything amazing, we just like to hear things from your perspective.
Mary in TX
Oooh good analogy Kari! I totally agree!
Mary in TX
Glad to see you are back....I guess that doesn't sound very encouraging, does it!!! Life is very uninspiring for me too right now.....I think there's a little discontentment mixed in with the frustration about not being able to change so many things. Venting cleanses,well, the vents! Whine away if you need to, it is cathartic!
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