Professionals Who "Get It"

I am enjoying writing on our new family toy - a little "netbook" I picked up. Its main purpose is for the kids to use for writing assignments/homework, and a little fun time, too. However, I've been working the last couple of days to get all the safeguards in place, adjust the settings, etc., and I find it is great for sitting at the kitchen table and playing while making sure DD actually does homework rather than stare off into space. I'm thinking it will make my time go faster, at least. (Update: I got partway through this blog post and the netbook died. I was really bummed, but I got it working again. Hopefully this won't be an ongoing issue!)


This week we had DD's IEP meeting, as a follow-up to completing her 3 year evaluation. This is a new team, as we switched school districts last year when we moved the kids to our church's school. They didn't even know she was in the district until I called last spring and asked, "Hey, shouldn't we be doing something about this IEP?" They are limited in the services they can provide at the private school, but she is moving away from direct services anyway. I just want to keep the IEP so it's in place when she gets to high school, and so she can continue to have some accommodations made for her school work. They've mentioned switching her to a "504 Plan," but I haven't researched that yet. Anyone have any experience with those?

My big concern was that with a new team (particularly one that had only met her a couple of times, and certainly didn't see her in her daily environment) they wouldn't get an accurate picture of the challenges we are dealing with. DD has come a long way from her early school days - the severe educational delays, the hourly rages, the throwing things, the extremely inappropriate behavior. Now, while she is not your typical teenager, she is close enough that many do not see, or easily dismiss, her differences after a short acquaintance. Generally, everyone says, "She's such a sweetie," or, "Every teen is like that," rather than understanding our underlying concerns.

The blessing is that this team "got it." One professional who met with her for testing commented that DD was extremely comfortable with her after only 1 session, and she noted how abnormal this was for a child her age. Another noted her interaction with peers - the way she babbles inappropriately, assumes intimacies which are not there, relates better to younger children, and is oblivious to social cues. Others commented on her mercurial attitude and how that affected her work quality (an "off day" meant and off test result), or on her disengagement in the classroom.


They see the educational concerns, particularly in the area of intuitive reasoning, but agree that her needs there are being met, between the school and my time here at home. She is continuing to progress, and in some areas, she excels. She is excellent at math (and oh, the hours we spent on that!), because it's very logical. Nobody wants to know the author's purpose on a math problem, or asks you to compare and contrast two problem styles. Spelling is cut and dried. Grammar has rules. However she could not take three random words and string them together in a sentence, as requested on one test. (i.e. -turn "dog, run, tree" into "The dog runs to the tree") Creativity is not her thing.


So they are working on how to help her with the social component. This may mean one morning a week at the nearby public Jr. high for a social skills group, which would be fine. These are the hardest things to teach. When to talk, when to stay silent, how friendly to be, how to read social cues. I don't even know if you can really teach this - it seems it would be more a matter of learning social scripts to use in particular situations, but hopefully it will help.

Overall, it was a very positive meeting. Even without years of experience with DD, they were able to get a good idea of the progress she has made. I got a better idea of her day inside the classroom (basically disengaged) from the observations made by one of the team. I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall during a classroom day, but of course, my being there would change the behaviors, and I would never get an accurate picture. Her teachers this year are pleased with her improvements in classroom behavior from last year - every year we see amazing changes from one fall to the next. This school didn't really believe me when I told them that last spring, but they saw the evidence this fall.

One interesting thing was the differences between my evaluation of her life skills vs. that of her teacher (using the Adaptive Behavior Assessment System). Overall, I showed her being more capable in many areas (although not where she should be), where he showed her as being Borderline or Extremely Low. The general consensus was that I do not have the daily encounters with "average" 13-year-olds for comparison as he does - I only have her brother for comparison, and hence I rated her higher. I suppose that's true - I don't really have a good picture of what "normal" would be. I sometimes watch the other children their age at school events, out in public, etc., and I admit it, I am jealous. I want to experience that, I want to live in the land of normal (not just visit occasionally), and I have to remind myself that I am blessed to have my children, to be able to watch them grow and succeed. I know, it's selfish, but it's also honest. This is a form of grief.

The meeting drove home to me how unprepared I feel DD is to succeed on her own. I don't know how, in 5 years, she is going to learn to function independently. But her IQ tests at 87, a significant rise from the score of 74 she had in Kindergarten (pre-foster care), but a small drop from the 90 she received 3 years ago. On paper, her IQ should be high enough for independence, but that doesn't measure her inability to control impulses, to make appropriate choices, to hold down a job, to make and keep friends, to not steal/lie. I don't think it will qualify her for any services as an adult. Will we have to, as other friends have, watch her self destruct and pray for the best? It's hard to tell right now.

One of the professionals at the meeting pointed out that one big positive was that she could tell that DD feels very loved. That she feels she is home, we are Mom and Dad, and we will be there for her. This almost surprised me, not because we don't love her, but because some days there are so many tests to our relationship, it seems hard to see a lasting bond. That is where I put my faith in the Lord to heal, and to make the best of our imperfect efforts.